"I just wish I was an only child so I got all the attention!"

"I wish we had 2 more Mamas that Theo could have a Mama and Malcolm could have a Mama and I could have you"

"It's hard having a baby brother because you don't get as much time with your big brother"

I heard all these things and more this week.  There were fistfuls of grass and pillows thrown, toes ran over, turn taking gone awry.  There were too many shrieks to count.  There were hurt feelings. 

It's hard to share a Mama, and my kids aren't even new to this game.  

I find we are fed an inaccurate image of sibling bliss.  We imagine hand-holding and a big sister reading quietly as the baby gazes on.  We imagine soft voices and loving touches.   We imagine a glow around our family.  A couple conceives a longed for second child, (or third or fourth), and the new line fed to the new big brother is "Ar...

January 27, 2018

When I hear the term “blissful birth” my jaw clenches.  As a doula and birth advocate, with 3 homebirths myself, I feel like I should shout “blissful birth!” from the mountaintops.  Instead, my stomach churns and my breath shortens.  I scan the room for exits.  To state birth as blissful denies the fullness of the experience.  

Pregnant with my first child, glowing, young and ripe, I was committed to a blissful birth.  I was adamant our birth would be unmedicated and at home, and I was convinced that a beautiful birth meant an easy birth.  I was wrong.  What I came to know through this birth was raw power, unnamable fear, a strength that only came from surrendering.  

As the sun rose for the second time in that labor journey, I knew it was only me that could birth this baby.  I stared into my doula’s wide eyes.  My partner pressed into...

October 20, 2017

There’s work in surrendering.  It doesn’t mean “to do nothing” or even “to be passive”.  It is rarely easy.  Instead, surrender means to lay down your weapons, to be vulnerable in yielding to something else, letting down the defense, the plan, the control.

And anyone who has ever done that knows it is hard, hard work.

I’m thinking of surrender in terms of birth, (which I usually do), which leads me to drawing parallels between birth and parenting and then all of life, (as it usually does)...

In order to give birth we must get our head out of the way, set our knowledge & desire for control aside.  For most, this is a concerted effort.  We work to build up our knowledge, devouring books on natural birth or newborn care.  This knowledge is incredible power for helping us make informed choices, oh yes.  This is big and important.  But somewhere along the line,...

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